The Enigma of Love
Love: A mysterious duality between head and heart.
Love: It possesses the extraordinary ability to evoke both euphoric delight and agonizing torment in our lives. It is a formidable force capable of lifting us to the highest heavens or plunging us into the darkest abyss. Yet, despite accumulating experience in matters of the heart, it remains an enigma, a puzzle we constantly unravel.
Love’s Veil Of Illusion
Renowned neuroscientist and bestselling author, Abhijit Naskar, once remarked, “In the frenzy of new romance, the mind loses its logic.” This peculiar phenomenon hampers our understanding of cultivating healthy expectations and establishing lasting connections, primarily because love, in its nascent stage, is blind. When immersed in profound love, the world transforms into a tapestry of rainbows and butterflies, where every action by our partner is deemed faultless. This is the essence of the commonly used phrase “love is blind.” Love’s blinding nature prevents us from perceiving any imperfections or shortcomings in our beloved.
Why does love choose to be blind? What triggers such emotions? Why do we behave as if our partner possesses no discernible flaws? The answer lies in the fact that, during the initial stages, our affection emanates from the heart rather than the mind.
During the initial phase of a romantic relationship, it is effortless to disregard warning signs or character blemishes. It is the stage of infatuation, where we grant our partners more leniency. The rules governing the relationship are different, often less stringent. In many instances, there may not even be any established rules; the mere presence of our partner in the same room fills us with euphoria. We consider ourselves fortunate to have the opportunity to bring them happiness. Regardless of their words or deeds, we are captivated by the mere idea of them.
The Enigma Unveiled
At the onset of a relationship, love is driven solely by the heart, while the mind takes a backseat. We cast aside caution and wholeheartedly embrace this intoxicating sensation of love and infatuation. This explains why love is blind. When one loves with the heart, their thought process echoes:
“What brings joy to my partner? What ignites their passion? I will go to great lengths to discover the answers—and I shall relish the journey. Together, we shall explore and delight in each other’s company, basking in the vividness of life, creating an idyllic bond.”
This experience resonates with countless individuals. It is why there exists a multitude of quotes and stories revolving around the concept of love’s blindness—it is a profoundly relatable phenomenon. At some point in our lives, nearly all of us will encounter someone who sweeps us off our feet. We will be willing to do anything to sustain the relationship, regardless of the toll it takes on our mental and emotional well-being.
Where do doubts and rules come into play? If relationships were genuinely effortless, then every person on Earth would revel in a state of blissful union.
Where is the calculation of how much you give versus how much your partner reciprocates? Precisely, it is absent. When you love from the heart, during the “blind” phase, you do not contemplate the extent of your contribution, nor do you construct an idealized image of an imperfect partner.
So, what marks the conclusion of this stage? When does love shed its blindfold and reveal its true colors?
Seeing With Clarity: Living With Your Mind
According to Rabbi Julius Gordon, “Love is not blind. It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less.” When your mind takes the reins, you become more conscious of the traits that you initially overlooked in your relationship. As you transition out of the honeymoon phase, logic starts to play a more significant role. While logic is an invaluable intellectual quality, it can also be detrimental, especially when it comes to relationships.
Let’s explore the thought process of someone who is guided by their mind, rather than wholeheartedly loving with their heart:
The Mind’s Embrace Of Love
The answer lies in the mind’s dominance. Logic, although a valuable intellectual trait, can be destructive in the context of relationships. Here is the thought train of someone who is driven by their mind, rather than surrendering to the depths of their heart:
“I wonder what they have planned for my birthday. I put so much effort into creating a memorable day for their birthday, and they loved it. However, they haven’t even mentioned my birthday this year. What if they completely forget? Just like they forgot to congratulate me on my promotion. Or how they overlook even the smallest details, like my dislike for ginger. How can I be with a partner who doesn’t know such basic things about me?!”
At this juncture, the self-imposed rules governing how a partner should behave, the preconceived notions about the relationship’s dynamics, and notions of self-worth overpower the positive emotions experienced during the initial blind love stage. The actions of our partners no longer evoke excitement, and their flaws cease to be endearing. Instead, those flaws become bothersome once love loses its blindness.
As the trivial matters accumulate, we begin to harbor resentment and pent-up tension towards our partners. We start penalizing them for their imperfections. This pattern can escalate into a toxic cycle of rejection, leading to an overall sense of suppression or learned helplessness, where our expectations diminish to the point where our needs no longer feel fulfilled within the relationship. When this occurs, we seek alternative sources for love and attention, such as our work, children, social circles, or hobbies.
Sounds disheartening, doesn’t it? The good news is that you can learn the five disciplines of love and discover how to sustain attraction to your partner through the power of polarity.
When you’re in a state of attraction, love flows effortlessly, and blindness ensues. However, when attraction wanes, the mind takes over, distancing us from our heart and body, and we become trapped in our thoughts.
To delve deeper into the concept of polarity and its impact on your relationship, consider attending Tony’s transformative event, Date With Destiny. Additionally, Tony’s Ultimate Relationship Program provides valuable insights on building a passionate and resilient partnership. If your relationship holds importance to you, it’s never too late to rekindle it. While love may be blind in the early stages of a new connection, with the right understanding and principles, you can develop a clear and profound appreciation for your partner as time progresses.